When participating in a monogamous relationship, it can be easy to fall back on fantasy and ideal when deciding on a partner, or whether to stay with a partner. Children are raised on stories like Cinderella and Snow White, stories of love at first sight and living happily ever after. While few believe that such stories are to be taken literally, there are people who have succumbed to the belief that there is a perfect person out there, often referred to as a soul mate.
Divorce is an option for those whose relationships are beyond hope, and an experienced DuPage County family lawyer can help you navigate the process if and when the time comes. But before you make a decision, perhaps you should look at your relationship again, not as falling short of the ideal, but as coming close enough that you can be happy in it. The Huffington Post recently drew advice from a book called ACT with Love by Russ Harris. In it, Harris outlines four myths about relationships that one should abandon for the sake of the relationship and one’s own sanity.
Your Perfect Partner
No one is perfect. Perfection is a man-made abstraction that is impossible in real life. For one thing, there is no accurate way to define “perfection.” For another, what may be perfect for one person is likely not perfect for another. If you are trapped in a never-ending search for the perfect partner, stop and look at what is most important to you in a partner; then, pursue that. Settling for good enough is not surrender; it is the pursuit of happiness.
You Complete Me
If you find someone who literally cannot live without you, beware. Finding someone who needs you can be fulfilling, but if someone would fall apart without you, the stress that comes with such an obligation will overshadow the relationship. Further than that, if you need someone so badly, and they do not come through for you, you can feel betrayed or lost. Insist on someone who can take care of themselves, and insist on being someone who can take care of yourself.
True Love is Easy
Do not bet on it. Relationships are at times difficult. Disagreements crop up all the time. If you balk every time there is a spat or an argument, you will forever be alone. Insist on your beliefs, respect your partners, and recognize that, though you both love each other, you will get miffed at each other.
Everlasting Love
We would all like to believe that the passionate energy we felt in the early stages will last. We would also like to believe that we can still get excited at the prospect of seeing our partner after years together. Excitement in the relationship is not a constant, though. It is subject to your mood and the mood of your partner. Just because it is not as exciting as when you were teenagers does not mean it is not love. Trust that the excitement will come back, and relish the comfort and reliability that having a partner in life brings.
Illinois Family Attorney
Whether you are entering a marriage or ending one, there is much to consider. You can protect your assets in the event of divorce with a pre- or post-nuptial agreement. An experienced family law attorney will be able to best counsel you on the right and wrong steps to take. Contact an Illinois family lawyer today.
